apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
