She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
