This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
