Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
