I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
