Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
