I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
