Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
