I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
