my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
