Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
