The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
