Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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