so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
