You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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