Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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