I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
