i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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