Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
