I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
