Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
