kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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