He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
