Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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