I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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