I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
