And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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