I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
