Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
