New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
