I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
