Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
