Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
