dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
