need another drink. this is the easiest way
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
