I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
