well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
