mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
