It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
