How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
