Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
