well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
