her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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