woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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