I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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