I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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