I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
