Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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