Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
