how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry my hands just texted you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
