took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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