Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
