The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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