New invention idea: vibrating tampons
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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