oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
