I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
