Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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