batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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