When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
