Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
