At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
