Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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