Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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