Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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