a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize