He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
