so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
