YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
