I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
