I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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