Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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