So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
