apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
