Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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