I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
