You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
