yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Boobs are out for the taking
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize