So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
